Realities of Adopting an Older Child
Adopting an older child can be an incredibly rewarding experience, offering a loving and stable home to a child who may have experienced loss or instability. However, it's important to be aware of the realities involved, which differ from adopting an infant.
Some key considerations when adopting an older child include:
- Many older children in the adoption system have experienced trauma in their past. This can manifest in various ways, impacting emotional regulation, behavior, and the ability to form attachments. Patience, understanding, and professional support can be crucial in helping them heal and build trust.
- Older children can come with a unique developmental history. They may have gaps in academic achievement or social skills due to past disruptions. Be prepared to address these needs with tailored support and advocacy.
- Building relationships can take time. While there may be fewer "firsts" like first steps, the opportunity to build a strong, communicative relationship exists. Bonding with an older child takes time and effort. They may initially be guarded or resistant. Respect their individuality, interests, and potential grief about their past. Building trust and open communication is essential.
- Adjusting to family dynamics may require compromise. Older children may have specific preferences regarding family roles. They might not readily take on the traditional "child" role within the family structure. Be open to discussing expectations and fostering a sense of shared responsibility.
- Older children may grapple with their identity and belonging, particularly in relation to their biological family. Open communication, honesty about their history, and support in exploring their heritage are vital.
- Making space for feelings of grief and loss is important. Adoption, while positive, can be a complex process for the child. Allow them to express any grief or loss they may feel about their past experiences.
Despite the challenges, adopting an older child offers immense benefits. These children often have a strong sense of self, can communicate their needs, and bring a wealth of life experiences to the family.
Adopting an Older Child: Parenting Tips & Strategies
Some key strategies to keep in mind when parenting an adopted older child include the following:
- Establish a routine. Older children who may have experienced instability in their past lives often thrive on predictability. Creating a consistent routine for meals, bedtimes, and even chores can provide a sense of security and comfort.
- Acknowledge the honeymoon phase. The initial period of placement can be filled with excitement and positivity. Be aware that this honeymoon phase may eventually give way to more challenging behaviors as your child adjusts and feels safe enough to express past hurts.
- Don't make promises you can’t keep. Building trust is paramount. Avoid making promises you can't guarantee, as this can lead to disappointment and erode your child's sense of security.
- Avoid overstimulation. Some older children may have experienced neglect or trauma, making them sensitive to overwhelming situations. Be mindful of their emotional needs and create a calm, predictable environment.
- Provide access to food and drinks. Having consistent access to nutritious food and drinks can help alleviate anxieties your child may have about scarcity. However, it's important to find a balance to avoid overindulgence.
- Remember that every child and situation is unique. These are just general guidelines. The specific needs of your child will depend on their age, background, and personality. Be patient, flexible, and open to seeking professional guidance if needed.
Talk with Our Attorneys
Since 1989, the team at Leavitt Law Firm has helped countless clients navigate their family law cases, including adoption cases. Our firm offers counsel with the following types of adoption:
- Traditional adoption
- Open adoption
- Semi-traditional adoption
- Semi-open adoption
We also have experience helping with different kinds of adoption, including foster care adoption, private adoption, relative adoption, and international adoption. Learn more about how we can help with your case by calling (702) 996-6052 to schedule an initial consultation.